raising myself

sunday 26th

So today I made a raw walnut/date pie with blackberry jam sauce. It was so easy and all with a blender! Everyone at the house loved it! They couldn't believe that the crust and filling was only walnuts and dates. I took some pictures but I'll have to wait to post them because I don't have the  USB cord for my camera at the moment :-( 

I would of loved to post them today in this post.

I went and made the epic journey to retrieve my verizon blitz cell phone at the crazy county fair I had lost last week. I thought I could just talk to the ticket taker at the gate and be on my way.

That wasn't the case. I showed up half dressed. dress on and in my L.L. Bean moccasin slippers.

People gave me looks and a girl made a comment "She's wearing comfortable shoes" to her significant other. That was all before I entered the gates of carni hell. I had to go to three buildings and ask the same question over and over again. The smell of funnel cakes and slimy hot dogs lingered in the air. It was actually quite sickening when the night I actually went to the fair it was slightly pleasant. I don't know why. After trekking across the grounds in my moccasins to the last office I gave up. On my way out another woman stopped me. She was sitting down eating a funnel cake. She said "Ma'am! excuse me!"  I could see her staring as I walked passed. "Are your shoes comfortable?" I just kind of pondered that question. I felt out of place but I also was thinking---WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

I just smiled and told her I lost my phone and I just came into the fair to get it. 

She nodded her head and looked like she thought I was insane and in awe of me at the same time.  Then Alison and I went to Walgreen's to get a few things for her. It's so funny going in there. I remember I loved going to drug stores and buy cosmetics, lotion, new hair products...etc. Now it just doesn't faze me. It's crazy how much advertising is made for just women. Women put all this unnecessary stuff on their body. More than men do!  

You see Halle Berry, Adriana Lima, Eva Mendes grace the advertisements above the toxic chemical waste that gets absorbed by our skin. Beautiful women promoting these nasty chemicals. If I were famous I would start my own organic makeup line and it would have wonderful ingredients. I ordered some foundation from this chick named Jenique from New York City. She makes raw, organic makeup. Everything is from the earth. It was amazing! best foundation I ever used and it lasted all day! It was really hard to break away from the commerical makeup trap I had myself in. I even wanted to be a makeup artist. I feel like I don't look right with makeup now. I haven't been wearing it since I did the master cleanse. I don't really feel like I need foundation now anyways. My skin is clear.

But never the less Alison got what she needed.

Haley* came to pick me up at the house. I made Alison, Haley* some celery, pineapple, banana smoothies and changed out of my infamous moccasins for flip flops. We went down to Natasha's Bistro to Drew's (one of Haley*'s friend's) going away party. As we were walking down there Haley* turned around and remembered her CD for drew she had put together (she's a singer) and right as she turned around this guy stopped at the light and asked if we wanted to buy his cd. A little weird right? We told him we didn't have any cash and he invited us to Common Grounds to hear him rap. Haley* and I pointed out the coincidence of this happening. She thought that every time we we're together something like this happened. Which is true. 

We went and sat down at Natasha's a lot of bands were playing that night. We talked to Samantha*, Drew's ex girlfriend, she works there. She's really nice. Very petite, seems very confident.

I admire people's confidence. 

Chris* showed up and was a total dick to Haley*. He's very intelligent. He's very creative. He knows exactly what to say to get in a girl's pants. But knows nothing about letting a girl down easy. But what 22 year old guy does I guess. Haley* got very upset. I could hear her thinking. I could see she was distraught over this guy who totally played her. We had to leave and come back because it hurt her so much. All she wanted to do was drink she told me. She just wanted to let loose. When we came back Haley* hunted Chris* down and he eventually gave in and talked to her. I could tell it made her feel a little bit better. She wanted his attention but she knew she didn't need it. He demands attention.  He eventually grew tired of the conversation and went for another round of beer.

We went out and talked to Adam* and Casey*. Casey* had been eyeing me all night. I sat by myself while Haley* was talking to some friends and I could feel his eyes on me. Haley* knows Adam* from working at a pita joint down the street. He quit awhile ago but always had a thing for Haley*. 

STOP! this is really starting to sound like a teen mini-series or something. okay, but i'll continue.

Casey* introduced himself. I could tell he just wanted to talk to me. He couldn't wait for me to introduce myself. He said I reminded him of a greek goddess of the ocean and called me goddess the rest of the night, telling everyone I was a goddess and compared me to Mya, the singer. I really didn't know what to think. Casey* was attractive. He looked younger than he was. He was 24 and he didn't look a day over 20. He was cute but at the same time he lacked depth. He said over a group conversation on music that the beatles sucked. I guess I didn't care.

I ended up drinking some of drew's wine and getting a buzz. We all went to McCarthy's afterwards. Haley*, Casey*, Adam* and I walked there. Haley* wasn't of age and actually gave the guy at the door her wrong birthday. A birthday that was 20 days before she would turn 21.

I guess he didn't realize it or didn't care. Obviously he didn't care and we walked on in.

I sat next to Casey* talking about eating raw foods, and LFO because for some reason that was what was playing in the background. Chris* walked around ignoring Haley*. She was totally bothered by it and it was obvious and Adam* was just in awe of her. I started to get alittle nervous for some reason and went and got some drinks at the bar for me, Haley* and Casey*. Casey* told me he had never had a girl buy him a drink. The only reason I did was because I had a ten dollar tab at the bar. I guess he felt flattered. I felt like he was being a little lame now. I have never seen a guy drink sex on the beach lol. 

 I got ripped off of two and was happy, giddy and dancing all over the place like a ballerina.

Haley* says I act more girly when I am drunk. Haley*, Casey* and Adam and I walked back to our cars but Casey* and I jumped into the fountain. I got the bright idea that we should all go swimming so we all went back to Gary*'s to go swimming at his pool. 

I was so happy drunk. More than ever. I was disappointed that I gave in and drank but I was so happy! Luckily I had my swim suit in my purse. I walked out of Gary*s apartment. All the guys eyes were on me. I liked that at the moment. I felt sexy, wanted. I knew I looked good.

We all went down to the pool with drinks in our hands. Adam* jumped in and so did Casey*, Haley* and I*. Gary* just watched. I can remember things drunk, I just can't remember what I've said sometimes. Casey* was starting to get sleezy in the pool. Asking if I had any tattoos of any kind. I told him no and he said he didn't believe me. He wandered farther away from all of us trying to lure me to him. I talked to Gary* for  awhile and finally Casey* grew tired of my games and told Adam* he wanted to go home. I didn't want the night to end, so I stopped him.

I went up to him and stood over him in the pool. He started feeling up my legs and then I got off. He told me I was a tease. I disagreed. Gary* agreed I was a tease. I asked Casey* what his tattoo meant. He told me it was a cross from his church. It was rather strange. 

He told me I was a tease again and I kissed him. He wasn't a bad kisser but he was a smoker and I could taste it on his breath. Still I made out with him. Ugh, what was I thinking. No more smokers and no more making out with guys that hate the beatles and are cute but sleazy. Ugh.

We ended up going back to Drew's place and hanging out over there. Casey* went to sleep and Adam*, Drew, Haley* and I stayed up til 8 in the morning.

Adam* took us back to our car around 9.

I felt so immature. Aw youth.

 

 

Wednesday 29th

today I woke up at 5 am with so much energy!

I went out and ran in the rain for 2 hours. I love running and listening to my ipod. 

I can just be me!

Then I ate half a cantaloupe. It was so good! So juicy! I love juicy fruit!

Later on I had 3 bananas. I am starting to not like bananas that much. I like juicy fruits a lot more. I'm gonna cut back on the bananas. I do have a craving for avocado though.

Then I cheated, I had two pieces of tofu and a date roll and later on today I had a spring roll...I felt guilty afterwards. :-?

Then I had golden 2 golden kiwi's.

Alison and I stopped at Whole Foods. I had no clue they had a hot bar and a buffet. Tempting but honestly it didn't look that great. The food looked like it had been sitting out waaay too long.  Alison got avocado, cream cheese, blueberry, carrot spring roll. 

I bought a nice papaya, a bag of avocados, a coconut and an Naked Juice Blue Machine.

I payed six dollars for an Naked Juice Blue Machine that I later found out was expired.

Silly Whole Foods...Silly Me. I also noticed it had a lot of added stuff to it. I think I am going to stop drinking those. I don't trust it. Just like I don't trust Burt's Bee's after Clorox bought them out.

I am so excited to be eating this way! It makes me feel unique and it makes me feel good. I have always loved fruit out of all things. I never thought I could just eat fruit and feel satisfied and I do! Even after a couple of days. I know I will lose a lot of weight which isn't my goal.  My goal is to feel beautiful, vibrant and healthy on the inside and for that to radiate outward. I have already went from a size 36 c to size 36 a. It's always the boobs that go first.

I just ate a whole tomato by itself. No salt, no pepper. Still tastes great!

Today we drove by my old house where my mom planted an organic garden. She planted fruit trees. They were really tiny but now they are huge and beautiful. We don't live there because my mom and her husband got divorced and she moved to California. No one has bought it yet.

We drove by and the fruit trees were full of apples and pears. Naturally, I had to stop and get some. A lot of the bugs had gotten to them and the good ones were at the top of the trees.  There were so many. I was so happy and thankful my mom planted them. What a blessing with all this going on. The house is so beautiful. It sits up on this hill with a nice cool breeze and has wonderful flowers, herbs and trees scattered through out the yard. It made me realize even after years of wanting to live in the city that I would actually want something exactly like this for myself. Okay, maybe somewhere warm all year round and I would definitely have to hire someone to at least mow the grass. 

I have been reading Mango the fruitarians blog. I love reading the interviews he does with other people and reading about the changes they have made with fruit. There was one quote of the ladies made in the interview that really stuck with me. I posted it as my status on my facebook. I always post quotes as my statuses. I love to help and inspire people. It was:

It's so simple --- when your choices support life around you -- the universe automatically supports the life in you. It is a mirror of intentionality.

This is so true. Beyond explanation. Today was a perfect example when I drove by the old house and saw all those amazing fruits just waiting for me. Why didn't I realize all that was there? 

There is so much around me. It's all there. I realized this the other day I went to the library with my ex to get books on organic farming, essential oils and just natural alternative health.

I broke it off with him and of course he wanted the books back and I was kinda upset I had to part with the books I was deeply involved with but it as I gave them to him and came back into the house, I looked at the bookcase and in the living room cupboards of Janet and Melissa's house. There were books on all the things I had checked out. Books my mom had given them and others they had collected along the way. I had no idea and it was right in front of my face!

Tons of books about organic farming, soil, essential oils, natural health. How could I be so blind. It was quite weird. 

Today we also went and looked at apartments. I got this weird vibe from this guy that showed up while we were waiting for the landlord to show up in his old gray volvo. He had his kickboxing gear with him, his sunglasses on. He seemed kind of hippyish, tall and quiet but I really thought he was attractive and intriguing. I felt connected to him some how. Which is funny because that's not my type. Well actually I don't really have a type come to think of it. He went inside and brought his dog out. His dogs name was Mischa. She was a pretty white dog. Looked a lot like a beautiful wolf. I let her nuzzle my face. I hope we move there. Just because of the fact we'd have a cute, mysterious guy around. Wonder if it would be worth the trouble.

I am so boy crazy, it's quite sad. I don't even need one around. I need to focus on me! ME ME ME!! Is all it needs to be right now. I need to keep reminding myself that. Thank you inner being. But oh god, there was something about him.